Somehow

I can feel it happening

The shedding of defences

As you lower my guard

Against my will

I could stop you if I wanted

Yet hope is a funny thing

Zapping me of fight or flight

Keeping me frozen in your arms

I think I’ll watch this play out

Let happiness peek through

All the cracks I have

That you somehow see as beautiful

Promise

He whispers comforting words in the dark

Pets my hair while my head wrests on his chest

Promises to stay with me always

As I close my eyes and breathe him in

He wraps me up with his body

Covers me with the security of the weight of himself

Empties my mind as he fills me

And I cry out in passion

Sting

It’s late.

I’ve been laying beside you listening to you breathe for what feels like hours. Yet I can’t get my mind to shut off. I can’t find sleep.

Instead my mind traces back to the last place I want to be.

Him.

Maybe it’s the time of year. Perhaps it’s how our dynamic is shaping itself. Whatever it is the memories are painful and unwelcome.

I wonder if it’s hard for him like it is me? With how easily he left I doubt it. He has his good friends alcohol and weed to help block anything unpleasant out anyways.

I had hoped the scene a few weeks ago would have finally allowed me to no longer sting over him. Yet here I am. At least it’s only a sting and no longer a  hemorrhage. At least it’s no longer from a spot of wishing he would come back.

Now I just wish to forget.